“Bitcoiners are a different breed,” says Brian Godzilla Salmi. “You’ll not find a single sheep, lemming or chicken in the ranks of the Bitcoin revolutionaries,” says the infamous gonzo journalist.
“My screenplay is so twisted, so dangerous, that it scares the Hell out of linear thinking gerbils, who should, according to Darwinism, be extinct already,” laughs the least boring Canadian on the planet. “I’m looking to build a gang of swashbuckling mercenaries who are ready to slaughter sacred cows and sinister swine with wicked intelligence and perverse humour, and I know I’ll find the people I need in the world of Bitcoin.”
Salmi says his screenplay contains two ideas that will do to lawyers what Bitcoin is in the process of doing to bankers. “I’ve had these ideas for years but I’ve never been able to push them forward,” says the 50 year old from his home in, “Yugoslavia – don’t tell me Yugoslavia doesn’t exist anymore because I’ve been here for five years and it’s still Yugoslavia, no matter what you call it.”
“When you turn 50 and get diagnosed with a major disease (diabetes), the concept of mortality becomes very real, very quickly, and you realize that you’re never going to realize all your dreams by yourself. I want to see someone take my ideas, which will help fulfill the promise of justice for all, and turn them into the marvelous, mischievous monsters they can become. If I can make this film, I will find those people, and they’ll likely be Bitcoiners.”
The first five scenes of Kill all the Lawyers are up on Salmi’s site – briansalmi.com – and he says he’ll share the entire screenplay with anyone who can convince him that they are serious about contributing something to the cause. “And,” says the serial satirist, “I assure you that this will be more fun than watching naked lepers bungee jump, more fun than pissing in a toaster, more fun than having your prostate examined by a fat-fingered Dworkin-dyke.”
In his dreams, Salmi sees Johnny Depp (or maybe Russell Brand) and Lady Gaga in the lead roles:
- Pablo Fiasco – the scandalous and sexually depraved artist/entrepreneur heeds Shakespeare’s sage advice before setting out on a mission to fulfill the promise of justice for all
- Jane Baker – a young, ambitious, corrupt and gorgeous public prosecutor who covets the throne of the Mayor of New York, is out to get Pablo, one way or another with Terry Gilliam directing,
“But, I’m willing to ‘settle’ for ‘lessers’ who can do more than those megastars,” says Salmi before pausing to reconsider and adding, “all the same, Johnny Depp and Lady Gaga getting jiggy would sell a Hell of a lot of tickets, and I’m pretty sure they’re both gonna love this script”
Salmi says the Bitcoin protocal has contractual mechanisms built into it that eliminate the need for lawyers, “so long as people aren’t money-grubbing, belligerent idiots’. Readers’ Digest says Tom Hanks is the most trusted person in America. That’s good enough for me. If he’s willing, we’ll trust Tom Hanks to settle all disputes. If Tom doesn’t want the job, we’ll get the Dali Lama ”
And everyone involved in Bitcoin already knows that bankers are not required to conduct business.
Salmi’s site is stuffed full of tales of extraordinary madness and he encourages anyone who wants to better understand his mind to read every weird word on it, but begs you understand that it’s a work in progress, and kindly requests that tire-kickers and those unfortunate souls who suffer from political correctness not trouble him.
To learn more please go to: http://briansalmi.com/kill-all-the-lawyers-2/
Brian Salmi can be reached at: [email protected]
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